Due to Punxsutawney Phil seeing the COVID19 pandemic and returning to his hole in Gobbler's Knob, The Car Club Committee for COVID19 Cancellations (CCCCC) has announced there will be no car show this June.  Social distancing was discussed as an option, but we all know that the beer line will turn into a crowd of thirsty car enthusiasts, rushing to peer at the menu and there will be the usual pressing of sweaty bills into the hands of a certain judge "brought in from Florida" hoping to improve their odds of taking home a trophy.  

Rumors that Tom petitioned for the cancellation because he doesn't have a car that will start has become a hotly contested topic of discussion.  Tom has defended himself by stating "If this club cancelled an event every time my car broke down or just looked like crap, we'd never meet again"

By canceling the show, there is now a surplus of the Rare Limited Edition 30th Anniversary Dash Plaques.  These beauties will become collectibles overnight!

Watch here for news of when our next car show will take place.

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The Rods-n-Relics 29th Annual Car Show was an unqualified success.  Key event elements such as blue sky, green grass, cold beer, cool music (Milwaukee Mike and the Mob), and hot brats all came together to create a perfect storm of awesomeness.  The cars were lined up on the lawn like pretty girls in tiaras waiting to be judged by old guys in ball caps.  Proud owners of these timeless reminders of a simpler time had put in hours waxing and grooming their pride and joy in anticipation of the show (Some of them even waxed their car).  You really can't beat a car show on a beautiful day.  Thank you to all who attended, our club members who put in so much of their personal time to make this one of the best shows to date.  For Photos of the show click on the photo or follow this link.

A solitary tree grew in a field on a hill

Tall, strong and evergreen

An ancient Fir tree, hidden from all

Destined to never be seen

Then across the field, a noise arose

and an old red, lead sled appeared

It rolled up to the tree, glided to a stop

Out stepped an old gent with a beard

He looked over, looked under, then looked around

Tugged and sniffed the leaves and boughs

His smile said he must have liked what he found

As he examined the cones on the ground

He breathed in deeply smelling the next Christmas

and yesteryear's Christmas delight

The tree wasn't great, it was indeed perfect

But too large to adorn and light

Back in the car, he revved up the engine 

drove out of the field and away

The tree watched him go and thought about Christmas

as it was in its nature to dream of the day

To a few special Firs the very grandest of honors

is to be chosen as a Christmas Tree

But for a lonely tree in a field, secluded and bare

Tinsel and lights are best saved for dreams

Time passes slowly when there's no place to go

and the old tree had no plans at all

Trees bend with the wind and bow to the snow

Until they grow weak and they fall

The tree knew it was Christmas by faraway bells

and thought of the old guy and his ride

Remembering the way he smiled at the tree

Had filled it with hope and some pride

But now it was Christmas, another year gone

hope lighter on its branches than fear

How long can you hope for Christmas to find you

When it's missed you for so many years?

Just as the sun dropped below the horizon

a deep rumble arose in the night

The ground shook, the great tree trembled

branches shaking with fright

Then the night lit up from a host of headlights

rods and relics coasted up to the tree

They formed a half circle of dazzling radiance

illuminating it for all to see

An old man walked up, looked at the tree

His smile familiar and kind

"I did not forget you," he said in a whisper

"I just waited for the right time"

"We're not very different from old trees," he said

"we've all grown rings and shed some tears

while cars go to rust and old friends go to dust

we cherish memories of those past years"

We value what tested and weathered by time

and proved to be strong and true"

"So like dear old friends or a fine classic car

we saw the value in you"

Then without a word or a nod, club members began

to decorate that ancient old tree

They had lights, red garnish, and small cars made of tin

like children, tossing tinsel with glee

The lights glowed like white diamonds

glass ornaments shined bright

Tin toys and twinkling tinsel in the old tree

lit up that Christmas night

Then the club members fell silent 

looking up they felt small

For if trees acknowledged such things as kings

Here was the king of them all

Suddenly a trail of lights appeared

from the villages far below

They followed the light in the Christmas sky

to a wonderous car show

When they arrived at the clearing, they first saw the tree

majestic and beaming with pride

and fifty or more beautiful old cars

owners standing by their side

It was the best car show in their history

The club and villagers agreed

and they repeat it every year on Christmas

surrounding that wonderful tree 

Texas native and club webmaster, also known as Jim Motes (me) is heading back to the land of long neck beers, cute little armadillo's, great music, better barbecue and a much longer car season.  There has been some speculation that I am being forced out by neighborhood vigilantes, who accused me of defacing no less than 31 lawns last summer, but I'm not the type to cave in to bullies.  First of all, those charges were based on circumstantial evidence only and there's not one witness that can identify me as the person who wrote "1948 Lincoln Continentals Rule" on those lawns with weed and grass killer.  Secondly, just because my lawn was skipped doesn't make me guilty.  Also, just because I was found lying in my front yard surrounded by a couple dozen empty beer cans, a drained Roundup container and a "Sure Shot" wand in my hand doesn't mean I wasn't set up.  People hate good looking guys, who are lucky enough to marry a genuine Philadelphia Mafia Princess and drive aweome old cars.  Those jealous SOBs set me up and even though there's no "REAL" proof of wrongdoing on my part, have threatened me with harm should I remain in Cedarburg.  Luckily for them, I was already planning on leaving town seeking greener pastures.

The real reason I'm leaving is to start my own one stop shop as a Wedding Photographer, Marriage Counselor, Boudoir Photographer, and Private Dectective.  My personal research tells me this business is going to be big.  I'll make money when they get married.  When things get rough, I'll pick up some change there, listening to them complain about each other (Slipping in the right comment here and there could get them even more riled up and extend counseling for months).  Once counseling dries up, I'll convince the wife that she should rekindle the spark of romance by taking some provocative photos, and after all that fails, I'll track down the cheating spouse for a final fat fee.  Cha Ching! 

I'm willing to let a few visionaries from the club invest right now on this groundbreaking opportunity.  The first five investors will also recieve a discount on family wedding photos, counseling, boudoir photos, and private detectiving.  

This has been fun and I'll miss not going to club meetings and pretending that Wittenberg's Corvette isn't simply an expensive reminder of a middle age crisis.  I'll even miss seeing Russ drive up in his latest acquisition, while we all pretend he doesn't buy another car every year just to avoid fixing last years car.  Still all good things must come to an end and I've heard myself say that I burn too bright for this town and I'm pretty sure I'm right.  So I'll close by saying thank you for letting me join your club.  Thank you to my dedicated readers (all three of you) for all the fan mail (still waiting for my fan mail) and as they say in Texas, Ciao, Bella!

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P.S.  I have a perfect record.  Every show my car has participated in, it's won "Best in Show".  I'm going out on top!

I've decided to make some new years resolutions on behalf of all club members.  I realize this may appear to be the epitome of hubris, but if you think about it for a second I'm sure everyone will agree I'm the best suited for the task. 

1)  I have attended so few meetings that I know very little about any of you, therefore these resolutions won't be personal.  

2)  I think we can all agree that the club is in need of an intellectual leader and I chaired the single man committee I formed, took a closed member vote and elected myself to that post.  

3)  No one else edits this web site so there's nothing to stop me short of a "Cease and Desist Order" from the court.

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New Years Resolutions for 2018

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1.  Get your car(s) running: There's nothing sadder than a beautiful old car sitting in a garage, the backseat used to store Christmas decorations and the trunk full of shattered hopes, dreams and parts.

2.  Get in shape:  There's a book out there called "Younger Next Year" and there's a great message in the very last chapter.  We have a choice each day, grow or decay.  No one is getting younger, so whether it's yoga or weights, do something... anything.  If not for yourself, think of poor Tom.  We all know how often he's needed help pushing his car to the side of the road.  That requires muscles and working joints. Besides, some of you drive cars with steering wheels that are not adjustable and a big belly can get in the way.  Safety first!

3.  Eat healthy:  Pick your food to meet your needs.  Lay off the bad stuff.  If you need energy, eat for energy, if you need to lose a few pounds, eat vegitables and fruit and drop the carbs.  Remember what you eat in private will be there in all it's horrible glory when you wear your speedo to the summer car shows. Note: If you find yourself in a closet eating cake and crying, you can assume that's not a healthy diet... You should at least have some milk.

4.  Watch less TV:  Live more and spend less time watching other people live on the screen.  Read a book (about how to fix the hydraulics in an 1948 Lincoln if you want to be my best friend).  Visit friends and if they aren't home, break into their garage and feel free to use their tools to work on their car. 

5.  Be kind:  There are shining examples of bad behavior in the world today.  In fact if you read some of my articles on this page, I'm certain you'll find a few.  Having said that, I'm turning over a new leaf and I ask that all of you join me by greeting the new year as kindler, gentler folks.  I'm going to be nice to Tom even if he isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer and I'll even stop picking on Russ (not a member, but stalks the club) for his dumb weather updates from Florida.  

6.  Be less condescending:  Condescending is a big word that means talking down to others.

7.  Follow Expert Medical Advice and Drink More Beer:  BTW, You can call me Dr. Motes 

8.  Embrace the club's Gangsta lifestyle:  Tonight when you climb in bed with a warm glass of milk to watch the 9 O'clock news, give props to God for allowing you to survive another day in the hood.

9.  Plan Ahead:  When the Zombie Apocolypse comes, do you have a plan for taking out your neighbors when they turn?  Do you have ammo, food, water and Zombie repellent?  Don't be that guy crying at the door begging for help.  Get ready!

10. Challenge yourself:  Do an extra set of situps, spend another 20 minutes on the treadmill, eat an entire bag of Oreos instead of just two, Drink the entire case of beer yourself, Set fire to your worst enemy's house.  Remember, I believe in you.

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Happy New Year!

Car's still not running, I've missed every club event this year, and basically have been the worst member of Rods and Relics history.  Still, no one has kicked me out and I find myself making some long overdue and badly needed edits.  Some might say I'm trying to buy my way back into the good graces of the club, but I'm not certain I was ever in their good graces so that's just hooey.  

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I simply had a thought.  My thought was "hey, I've got some nice Christmas Music playing here in the house and basically we are blessed with acceptable health so perhaps I should give something back to the community" (Tom, this isn't like the community service you did this summer).  I could have sent money, but that would just cheapen the sentiment.  So here I sit, scotch hand, "I'll have a blue Christmas" playing on the speakers, and it's this or clean the garage.

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Back to the title... Time for my Winter Breakdown.  Well, I've got two cars that aren't ready for the road yet and by now I expected hordes of volunteers to show up with tools and parts to help.  Hell, I even flew my American flag upside down as a sign of distress and my neighbor kept putting it right side up and calling me a dumbass (to be fair, he couldn't find the oil filter on a car if he tried).  I've got my garage heated so there's no excuse and after indulging myself with one long hissy fit, I'm going to get out there and get the Lincoln running.  I've decided to pull the Plymouth Engine and ship it off for a complete rebuild.  That will give me a chance to focus on my Lincoln.... right after my hissy fit.

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I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving.  We all have many reasons to be thankful.  Not all of our members are still with us so please take a moment to raise a glass to our Gear Head Angels and lost loved ones.  

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Summertime!!! The smell of grass and gas.  The sound of powerful engines rumbling as big lead sleds roll across a grass covered field and line up to be judged like beauty pageant queens.  Yes boys and girls, it's time for the Club's Annual Car, Truck, Motorcycle Show.  Join us on Saturday, June 23rd for a day of beautiful (and some not so beautiful) cars, great music, delicious food and some of the nicest people you will ever meet.  Please follow this link for more information. 

So here we are another winter coming to an end and it's obvious our club is going to have a banner year.  "How do I know?" you might ask,  well, I'll tell you,  I'm using a complex formula to forecast club participation for the year.  This formula is a mixture of social sentiment tracking, Fibonacci sequencing of herd movement (snowbird club members returning to the north) and of course I count the number of threats I've received over the winter for failing to turn in an "adequate" number of "interesting" columns for the site. 

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So basically all the data says it's gonna be a year of fun, scandal, and probably one or more arguments about Corvettes, fender skirts, and our annual argument with Tom about his wearing skirts to meetings.

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Some of you may be offended by the title of this column and the associated photo so let me disabuse you of any notion this warped idea came from my innocent mind.  Tom sent me an old photo similar to the one you see and the words used are his.  I'm simply following orders. Something akin to ghost writing, only after I published his warped photo and title, I'm moving on with my own material.  That's the naked truth.... sorry, I couldn't resist exposing you to just one more...oops, Like Brittney Spears sings, there I go again.  Now seriously, lets move on to more important things.

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The first thing I'd like to report is I've gone through my records and have discovered I've never been paid for any of these wonderful missives I've submitted to this site.  I was under the assumption that I was going to be paid for my efforts.  Imagine my surprise when Tom told me this isn't a paying gig.  I felt stripped of my dignity.  I was understandably upset until I thought about the quality of work I've been providing... it's not as if I laid my soul bare and they got my best material.  Hell, it's not even mediocre stuff.  So basically, I'll just continue to write in this area until someone better comes along (really anyone with a pulse and a computer) and takes over.

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Back to the upcoming season.  If you are like me and you have your motor in the car, but it's not running, you might want to get it into gear.  I know why my cars are not running and I'm working a plan to get them both on the road by May.   So pull the tarp off the car, put on some old clothes and fire up those lead sleds, hot rods, customs, cruisers, and corvettes. I've noticed prices are pretty good out there online so some of you might want to invest in a new ride for the summer of 17. Remember chicks dig a nice car and a guy who doesn't wear her clothes (Tom).

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I hope to see you all this year... last summer I sat it out due to work and having nothing in my garage running.  It was a time of cursing, crying, drinking scotch to cure my depression, drinking Alka-seltzer to cure my hangover, and of course throwing my defective tools across the garage when they failed to fix my car.  This year has got to be better right?  So kick off those winter clothes and put on your mankini (for the men) or bikini (for the ladies) and lets head out into the sun showing what you've got.

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Oh yeah, don't forget to check the calendar page for upcoming events.  

More to Follow... Watch this space.

Well it's that time of year where we put aside our petty differences and let the spirit of the season guide our thoughts and actions.... in theory.  I for one am known for my joyful exuberence all year long so Christmas is really a chance for the rest of you to be more... well, more like me.  I can see how some of you might protest my use of me as a shining example for the world to follow, but due to what my psychologist calls a seriously low empathy level, I don't care.  Now back to the Christmas Season and how that relates to cars.  

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First of all, I want to point out that you can't spell Christmas without cars.  Therefore, you can assume that cars were always meant to be a part of the holiday, but we just needed to invent them. You're wondering, if that's true, why don't we have little car tree ornaments?  Why indeed?  It's because of the old school, die hard, horse and buggy fans.  Oh you can find horse drawn sleighs, sleigh bells, etc... in songs, photos, artwork, and movies designed to make you feel nostalgic for those days before the Stanley Steamer. You can't deny the appeal of those simpler days, but I'd like to point out that no one has to follow behind the cars in a parade with a shovel (Except of course Tom's).  Cars are clean... shiny... never need to be brushed and they come in all the acceptable Christmas colors.

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So where am I going with this article?  Hell if I know, I'm as lost as you are. Oh yes.  It's a season for giving and whether you are giving someone a nice 1947 Buick Roadster Convertible, or polished aluminum bling for their engine, give cars and car stuff.  Show your support for your local car club member by filling a box with nice parts for his or her ride.  Maybe give them a gift certificate for free waxing (car, not legs... except of course Tom's) or go all out, cash in the CDs or empty the kid's college fund and buy that 1957 Chevy your special someone has been eyeing (I recent study I made up shows that most kids do better if they work their way through college).

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So Merry Christmas and Happy New year to you all.  I'll leave you with these final words.  My size is 1948 Lincoln Continental Convertible.

When I bought my 1948 Lincoln, I was assured by the seller and his henchmen that the car only had 1000 miles since it was rebuilt 14 years ago,  was kept in a temperature controlled facility with weekly tire rotation, had been lovingly polished every morning by special car polishing experts smuggled into the states from Europe and was almost a Concours ready vehicle.  Fast forward three months and here I am pulling the engine to have it rebuilt due to some very serious and unhealthy sounds coming from under the hood. Most people would whine (Tom and Russ), but I'm not one to carry on like a little girl.  I manned up and started my own journey down the road looking for someone more manly to remove my engine and send it to some very manly guys in California (strange to say manly and California I know, but Arnold changed all that) to do the actual rebuild.  After several failed attempts to get someone to actually take my money and pull the engine I said to myself... "Jimbob, you are bright, you are handsome, you sort of have a highschool education and gosh darn it people like you... Pull that engine yourself".  I mean really how hard could it be right?

Sooooo here I am week two of working on pulling the engine.  I am happy to report it's just a couple bolts from being ready to winch out and I've done a pretty good job (Yes I do think it's a good job) of prepping this thing to come out.  There's a little oil on the floor of the garage, and of course some anti-freeze got on everything and I seem to have started a leak of hydraulic fluid in one of the doors, but other than that, things are going well.  

I enjoy the smell of the car, gas, oil, andifreeze, kitty litter and fear.  Yes I said fear and if you have ever taken anything apart that cost more than your kid's college education you know what I'm talking about.  We all fear breaking something, but more than anything there's the fear of when the motor comes back.  What if I can't get it back in and working?  Talk about humiliation.  Right now I'm riding a righteous high from being one of a few members who work on their own cars.  I go to shows and people who don't know how little I really know ask me questions about their own car.  Of course I give them an answer regardless of my own knowledge of their vehicle.  I recall one guy saying to me "Say Jim, my car sometimes dies in the middle of the highway for no reason.  What do you think that might be?"  I have my standard response "Is it a foreign car or does it have a foreign engine?"  "No? well then it's probably bad gas"  Then I walk off... like Shane in that old Western... mysterious, manly and without any concern for their car.  It's not as if I have any investment there right?

So back to me and my story.  I have found something very interesting while working on my car.  I truly believe had I not started this work and just tried to drive the car as it is, we might have been killed or hurt and killed.  At the very least we would have had a major breakdown.  I've pulled bolts out of the engine that didn't need a wrench, just a finger grip.  The front seat was not tightly bolted to the frame, some of my exhaust manifold ports have gaskets, some do not.  It goes on and on.  What I'm saying is taking it apart has taught me what I already knew, some mechanics should have their tools taken from them and barred from touching anything that people might ride in or on.  It's worth it to do a little work on your own just to understand the quality of work done prior to ownership or validate the work you've paid someone else to do on your behalf.

Well back to work, that motor won't pull itself.

You may be looking at this site and thinking "Man I want one of those old cars, but can't afford one".  I want to tell you that's just not true.  You can find old cars, trucks, etc for very low prices right now.  Of course they may need some work, or may not be as shiny and new looking as others, but you have to start somewhere.  How cheap the car is will have much to do with how comfortable you feel about fixing up a real "project" car.  I scoured eBay this morning and found a 1947 Jeep for 1200.00.  I would bet most of you can afford that.  Also there were a lot of those made so parts won't be terribly hard to find and finally, these were not too compex as vehicles go so your maintence should be pretty simple.  

So I touched on a couple of points here you may want to give further thought.  When you buy a car, you want to know the following:

1.  How many were made?

2.  How many remain?

3.  Are parts for this car interchangable with other cars?

4.  Were there any mechanical issues with this car that you will have to overcome?

5.  Are parts more expensive than other cars?

6.  Does this automobile require special skills to maintain?

7.  Do I have a good place to store or secure the car (this matters less if the car is unique, slow, and hard to start)

Basically, you can buy a car for probably less than you think.  Prices are down for entry level cars right now and the number of sellers seems to be rising.  It's a great way to pick up a new hobby, engage your kids in something wholesome and teach them skills that will carry them throughout their lives.

I won't lie to you.  Once you buy a car, you will spend money on it until you sell it and buy another.  Like children, they never stop needing care and feeding, but once you get in, you will be hooked.

Several club members spent months creating a new web site.  While asking not to be named, a major contributor to the new site (Also holding the record for winning best in show in one out of every three shows attended), has asked that all complaints be submitted to Tom W.  Any requests for site changes or edits are to be submitted in triplicate on 1970s era carbon paper in keeping with the nostalgic motif of this club.  Suggestions for artistic improvement should be submitted in triplicate as well with etch-a-sketch drawings to support your ideas.  

As always we welcome all input from our members and the public in general.  

In the bleak, desolate tundra of Wisconsin, many of us are pondering how to spend the months remaining before it's warm enough to polish up the ol heaps and cruise on down the road. I'd like to offer some friendly advice.  WORK ON YOUR CAR!!!  Remember that funny sound you heard before you parked it?  Find it and fix it.  How about that chattery clutch?  Fix it.  What about the non-functional gas, oil, temperature guage? Fix it. No one wants to be a recepient of the "Toilet Seat" award.  Sure some of you have won it often enough that you're immune to the humility and mockularity that comes with the award, but for those of you who still own your dignity, prepare.

Sun Tzu said in his best selling book - The art of War; "Prepare and lube your chassis or forego your pride and bring dishonor to your club"

Members working on an interesting project are HIGHLY encouraged to document it with photographs and notes for submission as a tutorial for other members.

Jim Motes drove to the Delafield car show despite a slight engine tick. When his oil pressure gauge dropped to zero, he gritted his teeth and drove on to the show.  Jim was laser focused on finishing his first club run... never stopping for a moment to worry about his engine.  While a lesser man would have pulled over and stared at his engine like a hog looking at a wrist watch, Jim decided to throw caution to the wind and keep moving.  For those who were there that day, they will talk of this for years to come.  Jim drove onto the show grounds... his car glistening in the sun, his brow furrowed in concern, over the now much louder engine noise, but he also felt something else.  He felt pride.  He had made it!  He finished his first club cruise and didn't even run out of gas.  Is Jim a hero?  It's hard to say really, but it's been said that Jim came, Jim saw, and Jim took home "best in show".  

When showing your car there are some things you will want to know.  Unwritten rules that if not followed, can lead to un-clublike behaviors.  First and foremost, remember to bring your own chair.  Stealing chairs from other club members will only pass muster for so long before their mid-western sensibilities are offended enough for them to let the air out of your tires and put fingerprints all over your hood.  Another social faux paux to avoid is falling asleep in the back of another member's car.  For some reason club members get their panties in an uproar when they find you sleeping in their back seats.  They cuss and scream at you to put your pants back on and get the hell out of their car.  You would think if they didn't want people back there, they wouldn't leave the windows cracked enough to get to the lock.  We will visit this topic again in depth next month.

There have been several questions around proper social etiquette regarding alcoholic beverages at car shows and other events.  We would like to take a moment to answer several of those questions for those of you who took the time to submit them in triplicate (using 70s era carbon paper of course).  

Question 1.  Is it true that I owe two beers for every one beer given to me at a club event?

Answer:  No this is a falsehood perpetuated by unscrupulous members who bring extra beer to events hoping to double their beer inventory before winter

Question 2.  Should we be drinking beer on Sundays?

Answer:  Please turn in your membership card immediately

Question 3.  Why is there so much beer and very little wine at car shows

Answer:  Because this is a car show and not some nancy girl fru fru art gallery.  If you want wine feel free to bring it along, but it it's not for your wife, turn in your membership card immediately

Question 4.  Domestic or imported?

Answer:  Trick question.  So long as it's beer, it doesn't matter.  

Question 5.  How much is too much?

Answer:  How many angels can fit on the head of a pin.  Don't ask stupid questions.  Basically, if you have a designated driver, you keep your pants on and only use the "official" toilets, there's no beer limit

Question 6.  Do I have to share my beer?

Answer:  This is a tricky one.  We all like to share and occaisionally someone will bring more beer than they can consume so they open up the trunk and point to the free beer.  You on the other hand are in fact making an unwritten contract with the beer sharing member obligating you to sharing your beer or waxing their car at the next club event.  I personally was lucky Tom Wittenburg let me go to his house and wax his car in his driveway the last time he gave me a beer.

Question 7.  If I only drink imported beers should I bring my own or can i count on the event to sell those brands?

Answer:  Well little Lord Fauntleroy, you can try to find your imported beer at our events and from time to time it could occur, but if there's just gool ole American beer on hand, you better grab one a swig down some patriotism.

Question 8.  I don't want beer drinking know-it-alls touching my car and pointing out all the reasons their car is superior.

Answer:  This really isn't a question, but okay I'll answer you.  This behavior is unacceptable for club members... unless the member owns a 1948 Lincoln Continental Convertible... then he's right.

Question 9.  I make my own beer.  Would other members be open to my sharing the home brew rather than that gross commercial grog?

Answer:  Listen up hippie.  We drink real beer in this club.  If you want to fill your trunk with that prissy crap you make in your kitchen when not making dream catchers and sittiing around a drum circle, feel free.  Don't be offended if you see members using it to clean their tires and wash bugs from the chrome